


Losing Game

by satanic_panic



Category: The Lone Gunmen (TV), The X-Files
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28584603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satanic_panic/pseuds/satanic_panic
Summary: It's a losing game to love someone, it's a losing game when you bet your own heart.
Relationships: John Byers/Reader, John Fitzgerald Byers/Reader
Kudos: 2





	Losing Game

Byers wasn't his usual self, and it was plain to see as he huffed and puffed, refusing to speak to Langly or Frohike, refusing to even look at him; there was a broken heart in poor Byers' chest, and although he wanted nothing more than to fill in the cracks, there were more than a few pieces missing. 

"Byers, what's wrong?" Langly piped up, taking off his headphones and frowning. 

Byers shrugged, running a hand through his hair and sighing heavily. "I'm fine." 

No, he wasn't, how could he be? How could he ever be fine when the man he loved wouldn't even look twice at him? How could he be fine when he had become addicted to a losing game that had broken his heart? 

"You look like shit," Frohike told him honestly, trying to hide his concern but hardly able to. Byers was his friend, he hated the thought of something happening. "What's wrong?" 

"I'm fine." Byers said quietly, looking at the framed photograph next to his computer; you and him on top of a roof on a summer's afternoon, you were smoking a cigarette and looking as casual as anything, he remembered he kept thinking that he would fall off of the tiles. He remembered you telling him you would keep him safe. Then he thought about what he had seen earlier - you and Fox Mulder laughing and joking together in the FBI's basement where the latter worked, where you hung out whenever you were working with Fox on animal-related cases; normally Byers loved bumping into you, but this time… this time had broken his heart. You would never love him. Sure, the first few times he had seen you and Fox laughing and joking around together, he never took much notice, but it seemed like whenever you were with Fox, you had the biggest puppy-dog-lovestruck smile on your face; of course, if you were in love with Fox, Byers would be happy eventually, but right now, he needed to fix his broken heart… even if there were pieces missing. 

Sharing a look, worried beyond belief, Frohike and Langly knew exactly what was going on with their friend - heartbreak hurt like a bitch at the best of times, and this was almost certainly the worst of times. 

\------------ 

"Lay the fuck off, I'm fine." You scoffed as you sat on the floor with your back against the filing cabinets. Your wallet felt heavy with the picture tucked inside of it; the night you and Byers had gone out for celebratory dinner after you had passed your animal health and safety test, you could still smell the gourmet cooking, feel the heat from the candles on the table, you could still picture how good he had looked that night. His slightly out of style but neatly ironed suit with his shirt tucked in, his blue eyes twinkling in the restaurant's lights, his beard so very neatly trimmed and kept, he reminded you of the day you had first met; everything the same, except his eyes sparkling with the glitter from the stars. He had caught your eye since then. You had loved him every day since. You brought your wallet out of your pocket, gently bringing the picture out and frowning at it, lovesick. 

Mulder didn't look up from the file he was going through, a little unsure of whether or not to say anything more, he bit at the inside of his lip, deciding it was better to say something than to remain silent. "What's that picture you're looking at?" 

"Nothing, no-fucking-thing…" you grumbled, thinking about the night you had first met Byers; he was so kind and so sweet, and he tried to hide it, but he was smart, too. He made you smile more than anyone else could, he had instantly clicked with you and made you feel like maybe you did belong to someone, maybe your heart could be gambled; years later, at the restaurant, you regretted not telling him you loved him. Even if you knew, you knew that he would never love a man like you. You worked with animals, you didn't have a desk job, you travelled from time to time to help Mulder and Scully when they needed it; you were scruffy, even now, you wore baggy trousers with frayed ends, muddy boots that were more brown than their original blue, a ripped plaid shirt on top of an old stained band t-shirt, and a grey hoodie that had definitely seen better days. Byers would never love you. Not in a million years. 

\------------ 

"Oh, thank fuck you're here!" You sighed, jumping onto the sofa and lying down on your back, your head in Byers' lap, legs dangled over the arms of the sofa. You could act normal, for now. 

Being roommates didn't help, though. 

Gently, Byers ran his fingers along your jaw as he looked down at you so awfully tenderly as he smiled a little. "Long day?" 

You nodded, closing your eyes and letting him run the palm of his hand from your forehead to the back of your head so softly. "You can say that again… tell you what, I am definitely so fucking glad that I don't have to do any more work."

He laughed quietly at that, clearing his throat as he dared to shift a little to give you a bit more comfortability; leaning over slightly, Byers grabbed the stuffed white alligator from the coffee table, and gently pressed it into your hands. "I can, uh, I can make your favourite for dinner if… if you want me to?" 

You hummed lowly, shaking your head and gripping onto the stuffed white alligator; Byers had gotten it for you a while back, and you always needed it most when you were stressed - it normally stayed on your bed, but you had accidentally left it on the coffee table after spraying it with his cologne. "I'm good… I just wanna fucking relax." 

That wasn't going to happen. How could you relax when you were in love with your friend? Your roommate? How could you relax when you knew that he would never love you back? 

"We could, uh, we could watch something on the TV… if you want?" He asked softly, any excuse to spend a little time with you, any excuse to torture himself a little bit more. All the time in the world would be fine, Byers wouldn't mind it, as long as he could spend it with you - unrequited love or not. 

"John, don't worry about me," you muttered, biting at the inside of your lip, not wanting him to know that you were tormenting yourself by not running to your room and shutting the entire world out of it, closing the curtains and keeping the light off to create an artificial night. "Just… take care of yourself." 

Swallowing thickly, Byers nodded slowly, pursing his lips slightly as he thought about how tired and run down you looked, as if your mind had been running like a freight train for the entire day; as if something had been plaguing you that you refused to talk to him about. 

\------- 

Phones rang and voice messages were left, but nobody was home; with Byers at the Lone Gunmen base, nobody was home to answer the dozens of calls that were coming through. A mobile was thrown onto the sofa, the door was locked, the windows were closed. It was your day off, a day to spend at home, but nobody inhabited the little flat today. 

But as Mulder pulled Byers outside, he wasn't sure what to say, what questions to ask. "When was the last time you saw (y/n)?" 

Byers shrugged, furrowing his brows as he tried not to think about how the love you and Mulder had clearly suddenly turned sour. Maybe that was what was wrong last night. "Last night… w- why?" 

Mulder ran a hand down his face, grumbling and shaking his head. "I can't get a hold of him, and I need him to look at some evidence with me tomorrow." 

"Did you, uh, try the home phone?" Byers asked with a worried look, it wasn't like you to not answer your mobile. 

"Yeah, I tried everything," Mulder told him, licking his lips and swallowing thickly. "Byers… we've all tried to reach him. Me, Scully, even Skinner tried. (y/n)'s gone missing, nobody knows where he is." 

The news should have hit Byers a little harsher, except it didn't, because he knew exactly where you were - the one place that you always went to be alone. To think. Shaking his head, Byers sighed. "I'll, I'll find him, Mulder… don't worry." 

With Mulder out of the way, and after telling a quick lie to his partners, Byers made his way down to the woods, cursing the fact that he had definitely not dressed properly for it, his shoes were covered in mud and soaked as he followed the trails, left and right then right and left then through the tall bramble bushes with a slight gap between them just big enough for someone to fit through; he followed the trail until he got to the river, right where two trees stood proud and tall like columns. And he looked up. 

And there you were. 

But something was different this time; you were laid on the branch, your face hidden from view thanks to your arms, but the sounds of sobbing were unmistakable. Byers didn't want to shout about it, even if nobody was around to hear it, and he didn't know how to climb trees, and he certainly wasn't dressed for it, either; the choice was clear. 

He could either wait. 

Or attempt to climb. 

He slipped and he stumbled and he nearly fell and he almost dropped, but Byers was trying to scramble up the tree, he was doing his best with what little knowledge he had of how to do it from watching you and the shoes he was wearing; but when he did really slip, nearly going all the way down, something grabbed his wrist, and when he looked up and saw you, he grinned. 

"Hey." 

"Hey," you huffed, helping him up onto your branch and sitting him against the trunk as you laid back, letting your legs dangle. "What are you doing here, John?" 

Byers smiled a little, scratching the back of his neck. "I, uh, Mulder… Mulder needed to get a hold of you and I thought… y'know…" 

You raised a brow, looking up at the dark green leaves, how deep and emerald they were, how rich. "What did… what did you think?" 

"I, uh… I thought that you and Mulder were…" he paused, biting the inside of his cheek. "Dating." 

You let out a laugh so loud that it made birds flee from their nests in the trees, slapping your stomach as you moved to sit up. "Me and Mulder? Seriously?" 

Byers nodded. 

You shook your head, moving a little closer, you looked down at the bark between your legs, and sighed heavily. "John, it's not Mulder I'm interested in, trust me." 

"Wh-" Byers cleared his throat. "What do you mean?" 

"It's you," you hummed sadly. "Fuck, it's always been you, ain't it? It's always you, John, it always has been, I- fuck me, I'm in love with you… but I know it's a losing game, I know you don't fucking feel the same…" 

His gaze softened slightly as he reached for your hand, gently taking it and pressing a soft kiss to the palm of your hand, he smiled a little. "You didn't lose, (y/n), unless… unless if winning my heart means you lost." 

You finally met his gaze, tilting your head to the side. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean," he moved closer. "I love you…" he leaned forward to press his forehead against yours. "And I always will." 


End file.
